Dear Heavenly Father, we’re gathered here before you, humble swingers, asking you to bless this orgy. Thank you for providing us with alcohol and drugs-—mainly the Viagra! We pray for all the participants—-mainly the buxom blonde whose nurturing chest you have shined upon with voluptuous favor. To whom much is given, much is expected! And Lord, we also trust in you to protect us against STDs. Bless this time of carnal indulgence, in your Holy Name.
And the people said…
I assume you have either stopped reading or are waiting for a darn good explanation. Nobody prays before they commit a sin! Or do they?
What if the sin is no longer considered a sin? Allow me to explain.
The average American gorges himself on 3,000 calories every Thanksgiving Dinner--rivaled only by the pre-hibernation Alaskan grizzly bear! And what do we do before we commence? Give thanks to God! May He bless our carnal indulgence.
You’re probably wondering, what kind of puritan would attack Thanksgiving Dinner?
Relax! I will be excessively feasting alongside you! I’m not against gluttony. In fact, I am advocating for it—-and the expansion of this ‘Thanksgiving’ approach to other sins.
Do you even consider over-eating a sin? Sure you may think, “OMG, I ate too much!” But I’m guessing you have never fallen to your knees in repentance, groveling before the Lord as if you had committed a ‘real’ sin. No one feels convicted, like they may have been the moments after climaxing in the arms of a lover, or the arms of… themselves.
When it comes to gluttony, there is no shame.
Not only is gluttony a ‘real’ sin, it’s one of the Seven Deadly Sins! But we’ve made it completely harmless. So if we can justify gluttony, lets justify, well… whatever! Does that contradict Christianity? Yes, but if you’re like me, then you’re comfortable with the contradiction.
Comfortable Christianity—its time we practice faith the way it suits us. Subscribe to things you like, toss out things you don’t. And I like piggin’ out!
After all, wasn’t Jesus accused of being a glutton? (Matthew 11;19)
Now that we’ve justified gluttony, why stop there? Because it’s likely that, if we can’t control ourselves when it comes to food and drink, we won’t be able to control ourselves when it comes to lust, coveting, idolatry, gossip, etc. So whatever sin you have allowed to remain constant in your life, don’t stress it, just bless it!
If we can justify a ‘deadly sin’ and make it appear harmless, then what harm is any other sin? What harm is fornication, revelry, or homosexuality?
Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, came out as gay… and claimed it was a ‘gift’ from God. Preach it brother! He has blessed, with God’s name, an act that contradicts God!
I encourage you to employ this tactic.
Your pornography addiction, is a gift from God! Your envy, a gift from God! Your sidechick, gift from God!
We are stepping into an age of progressive Christianity-—the old school, rigorous, discipleship faith… is outdated. In order to keep Jesus relevant to us, especially in a society where fulfilling the pleasures of our flesh is no longer deemed sin, we must tweak Christ’s hardline stance.
Jesus said, “He who does not obey my commands is not my disciple.” PFFT! We’re calling your bluff!
Don’t just take the shame out of the sin, bless your sin! For Example: Want a divorce? No shame, God bless my new marriage!
Not seeing sin as sin allows us to pretend that we still have a relationship with Christ. So let’s gather together, and give thanks as we indulge in the flesh--in His Holy Name.
And the people said…